Should I regret? Should I blame myself? It is something that I lack? These are the questions in my mind right now. The title speaks for itself about the things that happened. March 14, 2015 until the morning of March 15, 2015 I lost my last chance. In these dates our organization held a party, a party comparable to a JS promenade we call it, "CpE Night"(Computer Engineering Night). A week before the day it was held I volunteered to participate on the dinner acoustic performance, aside from the lineup I prepared two songs to dedicate to a girl I like the songs are; "Ordinary Song"(I don't know the original artist who made this song.) and "Kung Ok Lang Sayo"(by Truefaith). "Kung Ok Lang Sayo" reflects what I really feel about her. Unfortunately even though I practiced these songs aside from the lineup I was unable to play it because of the lack of time. But before that my first and last chance to have a picture during the "CpE Night" has also passed by, I had the opportunity in front of me but I just can't "pull the trigger" to do so. I don't know why but I shy. I partially manned as one of the receptionist behind her but it was too busy back there to ask for a picture.
That evening after the registration period up to the main event after dinner it was already frustrating on every turn, i am losing my "shots". But before I state the third and last sting I would like to briefly share the story on how I got interested on her. It was our time in 4th year college. I participated in a street dance competition, she was not a dancer but a props maker that time. Once they had an overnight in our house along with other props maker and I was dead tired back then after the practice. (the routine is always 10am until 11pm, the worst is 10am until 4am of the next day.) I woke up the next morning she is still working on the props and according to my mother she didn't sleep not only that, she continued working the rest of the day that's how her name got registered on my mind, the beginning of the admiration. Then this year coincidence happened she and she became a organization officer, I was a volunteer that time. And I also saw her kindheartedness. People are people of course I also saw her get pissed or mad about something but these emotions come with the right reasons, she also has her wacky side and this year I tried to know her better.
Without further ado this is the last sting of a last chance: I was unable to ask her for dance. I wanted to ask her but I was timid, I lose the words, I am grasping what I was unable to say and because of that someone else took the opportunity. So I danced with my female friends on my section first but after that the slow music stopped. Still hoping for the second batch but it was too late people already lost interest on the party and started packing up. I was planning on a desperate move to ask her even though only few people are dancing while the music is playing but before I said the words she was got busy searching for the office keys and that's it, no last chances played, no last chances for the slow and timid. I feel like a mess, I screwed up my own opportunities. I really took a moment to cry out in silence.
Even though it turned out that way the homily of the Sunday mass got me. While there is life there is hope . It is true that those were last chances she will be graduating, next year she might not be there. But even though in the course of our lives we lose many of these kinds of chances as long as we live our lives in the fullest we are given infinite possibilities, a multitude of opportunities and a promise of hope each day. But it hurts me that life is too short wasting, but I must not be hard on blaming myself. I must also look and believe on another window that there are many more ways to show my affection and many more ways to know her better. I hope I'll feel better soon.
