It starts either pressure from home at some occassions but most of the time the root cause is at schooling days, there is somewhat a discouragement of following what we truly want that in my personal experience tend to lead to the so-called quarter-life crisis.
Stage 1: Growing with Discouragement: at an early age our minds are being set to a practical path, they don't literally say it but the bottomline is: 'care less about art, music, literature, tle, history and social studies. Focus on Math, Science because they guide you to high paying jobs, English too in case, and Computer because it's the next big thing. Earning big is better than what you want to be.'
Then there came a point I saw people who are talented and passionate, but when you look at the course they are taking it's nothing related to their passion. When asked why, they will answer it is the practical, high employment rate choice or high paying. You see them smiling at the answer but you feel a lingering feeling of something that is not right and that is stage 2: Suppression.
And when we suppress we kind of justify:
Stage 3: Justification/Denial, we justify that the path we frequently complain about is still the right path of our lives and subconsciously this is either a dangerous or adaptive stage. When someone has loved their job that is good it's adapting and it's averting the crisis. Healthy romantic relationships at this stage also contributes in avoiding the crisis. But to the latter, the reason why this stage is dangerous is because this is where mindsets and attitudes change. It can be a range of cynical to suicidal. It is also a point where we induce sublimation through more work, alcoholism, addiction to vices but there are also good sublimation through games, sports, travel, art, pets, etc. Justification done with style.
Stage 4: Breakpoint
At this point some people might already got through quarter life crisis while others are still living it but at this stage is the make or break. This is a point where we either accept all those years and putting personal dreams in a well built case on a well built shelf, it is somewhere between preparing for a family life or the next stage, the road to mid-life with a peaceful heart. It is also where others scream out, resign on their jobs and do what they desire and it's good for them, but sadly this is also a point where some gives up, barely carrying themselves toward midlife.
Throughout the stages the harsh reality we must accept is that, not everyone will have the opportunity to live their dreams and fulfill what they desire, not everyone can afford even some of our parents and grandparents didn't. But if you are blessed to build a well planned family of your own you can give your sons and daughters that privilege.
Here are some advices, some lessons I learned:
Don't give up on life because if not all of us, most of us are in the same boat. Carry each other up, rather than putting each other down, all of us will stay in bottom if we choose the drag each other.
Be patient, Ieyasu Tokugawa was a hostage at his childhood, served the clan that kept him captive for years and he was already too old when he became shogun of Japan, but at least he lived to reach his own peak. At 24-30s we are practically still young so if you are still clueless on what to do it's ok.
It is your time, you are truly the one managing it, not your boss or anybody. You decide where you apply your leave, you decide if you want to be late, you decide if you want to take the consequences of misbehavior. And in the contract when taking a job you are the one to write your name and signature. Accepting the reality that you are truly the one deciding on your kind of life is crucial.
Have the courage to pursue and breakout of the cycle. Why are we enslaving ourselves to a work we don't want when we are taught to be practical. Doing what you are really capable of is also being practical. Many famous people rose from bottom in pursuing what they want even it cost them to live on the streets. The cost of sublimation to keep yourself up on a unwanted job sometimes amounts to the cost of doing what you want, so choose the life that amounts to least regret.
In quarter life crisis mostly we question what we do, and whether we are doing the right thing, if there is still time to live out success, how many more years working before we enjoy life, is it too late for something or not. Midlife crisis is mostly built up of regrets. So while there is still time, follow your heart, find the bravery to do so.
Also this is a good speech to listen to: "what if money was no object." -Alan Watts https://youtu.be/khOaAHK7efc
"Under Light Under Burden by Yours Truly"
Stay strong because everyone struggles, you are not alone, keep that in mind especially when you feel the loneliness, the insecurity, the pressure and stress.
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